Try Being Humble, Really Humble

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Table of contents for The Practice of Having an Open Mind

  1. Power of Mantra
  2. Listening Experiment
  3. Accept Everything
  4. Just Live it
  5. Jonestown Kool Aid and Grandpa’s Trash Bins
  6. Try Being Humble, Really Humble

The psychology of humility is very very interesting to me. C.S. Lewis wrote about it at length in his Screwtape Letters (1942). It is a fictional set of letters between a senior uncle and junior nephew demon. The uncle teaches the demon how to be better at screwing up peoples’ lives. One thing he coaches him to attack on is the area of humility and it is too funny how the advice rings true to an often-self-important fellow like me.

On prayers, Chapter 3:

“It is, no doubt, impossible to prevent his praying for his mother, but we have means of rendering the prayers innocuous. Make sure they are always very ’spiritual’, that he is always concerned with the state of her soul and never with her rheumatism.”

The guy praying for his mother thinks he is praying for her, but he is really being selfish. This can translate into non-spiritual psychology when we think we are being humble but really just becoming self-martyrs. Lewis’ book is short but full of wise insight into humility, spiritual and psychological. I recommend reading it.

People everywhere these days are consumed with themselves. I am no exception. We are always worried about how we will feel next. I have found that when we are truly humble, we complain less. We also are liked more by others. Just like in the quote above, if we think more about meeting other peoples’ needs instead of finger pointing, blaming, and dwelling on how they have wronged us, we will be happier people and better at what we do. At the very least you are guaranteed an open mind. Try thinking of others tomorrow before yourself. Heck, start today. I encourage you to report your findings here.

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My “Mamma Mia” Review is Published

As you may have read, I have revived and re-launched my online diary, Damien at the Speed of Life. Tonight after seeing Mamma Mia with Sarah I was driven to write a review. I have been a huge ABBA fan since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. The acting and music in Mamma Mia is great and you just plain feel good the whole time. You’ll start to see less reviews here as I will be trying to be true to the psychology niche here as time marches on. I hope you get a chance to see Mamma Mia, Sarah is definitely going to buy the DVD when it comes out. (She’s seen it 3 times so far) You can read my review and see a cool YouTube video at this link: Damien’s Mama Mia Review. Thanks for reading.

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Jonestown Kool Aid and Grandpa’s Trash Bins

Table of contents for The Practice of Having an Open Mind

  1. Power of Mantra
  2. Listening Experiment
  3. Accept Everything
  4. Just Live it
  5. Jonestown Kool Aid and Grandpa’s Trash Bins
  6. Try Being Humble, Really Humble

Before I start this post I just want to give a link to a couple people who have asked me what makes up blog value these days in my opinion. I’ve actually written a series on it you can find here. Okay, now for the post …

I remember a few years ago hearing the son of the criminally insane Jim Jones discussing the mass suicides at Jonestown. The son had been away when it took place and after he returned, he learned the title of this post was the truth for him. Every family member and friend was killed and he had to call in to report the tragedy. His life changed after that with what would be a continuous string of experiences where he learned just how wrong he had been for so long. He chose to have an open mind, lucky for him.

Today teaching eighteen 8th graders I had an experience that opened my mind way up. Let me share it with you. I was explaining to the open-minded young adults about the word “pattern” with regards to sentences. I used an example from my youth (I like doing that and it often helps the lesson go better). I told them about my grandpa’s (now passed) cabinets that held his trash cans. They looked sort of like this table:

Keep

stash

America

your

beautiful

trash

As a child I read it up and down probably because I was short then: “Keep stash, America your, beautiful trash.” That’s what my brother and I always though it was. Well, you can imagine my shock and sort of glee to find out I had been reading it wrong for decades! The student pointed out that if you read left to right is says: “Keep America beautiful, stash your trash.” Wow. I was humbled.

Another tip in keeping an open mind is that you probably think many things are true that are not. Strive to see things the way others see them and you will have a more open mind as a result. And last, remember this question from the title:

What if all You “Knew” was Wrong?

Embrace that thought and be less ordinary.

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Just Live it

Summers can be for resting, especially if you are a teacher. They can also be times to test yourself and learn lessons that benefit you all Winter long. Going along with the teacher thought, I want to raise the idea of “training.” In all businesses there is an element of training. This training is usually meant to stretch the worker to a place where she/he will be more productive.

Along the way to increased productivity unfortunately we meet Mr. discomfort and sometimes … Mr. pain. Do you know him?

Training is about opening your mind. Many of us have minds that are so closed they must be pried open. That has been my mind this summer. I’ve been teaching 8th graders that cuss and insult adults and consider themselves adults on top of it all. I realize now, with only 2 days remaining in the session, that this has been training. Like ankle weights for when I return to my 4th grade class. I don’t like to dwell too much on my own occupation in these posts. It is meant to be a parallel to your job, your “training.”

As you probably know from reading my blog, I am always analyzing and seeking new cognitive strategies to battle life’s troubles. Sometimes I even see it as a sport. I am a student of psychology and a fan of all human things that inspire.

But sometimes you have to just live it.

I have 900+ posts and counting here. Each post has some sort of cognitive mechanism conveyed. In a simpler word: ADVICE FOR YOU. And, maybe myself? Well, this post is here to stop the advice. I hope you can transfer that to your life whether you are a Type A personality or not, you give yourself advice I know. It is occasionally time to stop training and just live your stuff out. The yellow pad is a great tool but you can’t walk through life with it at your side. You are creative, you are responsible. Why not lay down the cognitive stuff and simply trust yourself for a while. I think you will be proud of yourself in a while when you stop and look back on what you’ve lived. You will also find your mind was more open because you let go.

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Accept Everything

Below is yet another post about having an open mind:
I had a professor of a writing class in college who told us she knew a famous actress. I would tell you who if I could recall but at the time I didn’t know them since they were a very old actress and the name didn’t imprint in my memory as a result. At any rate, this professor of mine, who was getting to the retiring age herself, mentioned to us that the woman had such grace and elegance in the way she ran her affairs. My teacher took care of her library for her and cleaned the house a bit while in college which was nearby. Because I really respected this teacher as a confident writer, I was all ears when she told this story. One day she asked the woman how she lived with such grace, happiness, and success and was now aging the same way and the woman said this simple mantra:

Accept everything.

Let’s look at that wisdom three ways. It could mean:

  1. Don’t shut any person or idea out. Let it run completely through your mind and stand or fall on it’s own merits. This is a tough one to universalize. It is more like an inner mantra that can’t be directly applied to some concrete issues. Still, I like the idea of accepting everything in this respect.
  2. Don’t be too good for any offer that comes your way. When you get work accept it. If you get a job for $8 do it like it was a job for 80K. I really like this idea.
  3. And finally, be gracious. This is by far the best way I can think of to interpret it.

We had to write something on those 2 words when she shared them and I don’t have the paper I wrote at the time. I do carry them with me and I say them often. She was Canadian, I’m starting to think they know something we don’t up there.I’d like to know what they mean to you, any takers? Don’t be shy, just throw one out there.

While I’m on the subject of acceptance: If you are not content to accept your weight, a good resource may be weight loss pills.  Thanks for your support of Postcards from the Funny Farm.

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Online Diary

I didn’t post the last two days but I have still been hard at work online. My good friend KatelynJane’s migration to a self-hosted Wordpress blog got me back in the saddle with my too-long-neglected personal blog. By that I mean, giving her some pointers on how easy it is to create multiple blogs made me want to get my personal blog up and running again. I haven’t even launched it yet, but for a sneak peek (and to get me on your blogrolls out there) it is at:

Damien at the Speed of Life

I’ll be back with my next post in my current series on “Open Mind,” but for now expect a short delay as I get the Online Diary up and running and finish my last 4 days of teaching summer school. There are reasons why multiple blogs are a good idea. Then again, all the work does have its drawbacks. What do you think about having multiple blogs? Some people I talk to have dozens. What is your perception of an online diary?

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Listening Experiment

Last time I wrote to you about the Power of Mantra. Before starting this as part two, Listen for Half a Day, I went back and read it again. I also took a nice long walk around my neighborhood admiring lawns and pink flamingoes, trying to make sure the next post was helpful and relevant to the series. The subject I realized today is another key tip in practicing an open mind.

As creative, enlightened people, we should actively practice an open mind by listening as much as possible.

I hope that will make perfect sense to you after I have given you many ways to do it through the course of this series. Please feel encouraged to subscribe to this series via rss -or- inspiration, psychology, blogging. I’m excited about how valuable this is in opening ones mind.

We’ve all heard the statistics about how women have larger brains and how they are better listeners and better at many other things than men. I am not here to argue that at all. My wife knows full well how much I believe she is playing with a larger emotional deck that I am. What I want to stress is that I believe women and men, based on my experience of family, work, and life, are all generally poor at listening. In fact, it might be a cultural thing that we as Americans do not like to listen. Many are like me, we like to talk, fast, hard, and loud, no matter who gets hurt or shut out.

What if you could be more enlightened about what the people around you think?

The other day I caught myself lecturing my son on how his things were in every room in the houses where they didn’t belong (including a shoe at the bottom of the pool). As I rambled on and watched his bulbous brown eyes begin to well up tears, I listened to myself and it was not the ideal I have for myself. Ever done that?

It is phenomenal how much our mind is opened when we listen fully to someone else. Active listening is when you say back what the other is saying periodically and that is a good idea. But can you listen to people for half a day and not have a response? I’ve tried it and friends it aint easy. Just let what they are saying penetrate your mind, don’t respond except for the normal, OK etc. This is crucial to the experiment.

I could give you many statistics on how listening makes you a better person and such, but let’s just try the experiment what do you say? Starting right now at 11:26am until 6 or 7 tonight when I am doing my evening laps and jacuzzi time, I am going to listen. We haven’t been to church in a while and we decided to go to Saturday night services tonight … I might have picked the perfect day ;)

At any rate, whatever you do and whoever you interact with, this is a good exercise. I think you will be blown away at the paradigm shifts you experience and the broader, more open mind that you enjoy as a result. If you are a blogger you might try interviewing someone you respect. Heck, we may all decide to never speak again! …probably not, but it sounded like a good close. Whether you do this experiment or not, I’d love to get your comments on the concept of listening.

Remember: The goal of each of these posts is to give you a more open mind.

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Power of Mantra

This post will introduce a series of posts I’m writing on looking at life a little bit differently, namely the practice of having an open mind.

I’ve been writing about psychology and inspiration here since December of 2006 and in the process I’ve done a lot of homework I love to share. Mark Twain once said: “When I turned 20, I was amazed at all my father had learned in ten years.” Our perception of the world is filtered through our point of view. If we have an open mind as we travel through life, we transcend much of the trouble around us. One invaluable tool in keeping an open mind is to have a mantra.

Remember when you were younger, about junior high age? You could run around all day: boys at the football field, girls at the mall or maybe the softball field. (Of course I don’t mean to sound like all women wanted to be at the mall but many I knew did). At any rate, physical activity back then had very few consequences. I would run 5-10 miles on the x-country team and have no soreness whatsoever the next day. Well, now fast forward to today. I can barely run to the end of my street without needing to stop and gather myself. Part of that is my fault for not exercising enough. Another part of it is just plain aging. Even as a youngster; however, practice had its place. Running those hill workouts paid off when I won the races. Our minds need practice too. A mantra can be part of that life-changing practice.

The big picture of this series is the way we feel about the world. Our mind processes things differently as it is accustomed to do. The good news is that as long as we practice the right mental things, we never need to suffer the way we do in our physical aging. In fact, if we stay mentally “worked out,” we can be more enlightened the older we get. Kind of cool eh? So, just to clarify the big picture here:

Physical Practice = Winning races/competitions

Mental Practice = Seeing the world the way it is.

One mental exercise we should engage in is the practice of having an open mind. Just like running one mile and skipping the rest of the week will not make a young runner any stronger, so we are made “mentally flabby” when we neglect this practice. The time this verb “practice” is most vivid to me is when I get angry or when I get disappointed or otherwise discouraged. It’s in those moments I can hear that inner psychologist on the couch in my mind say: “Calm down, this is what practice is all about.”

When and how to use a mantra to keep your mind open:

  1. When we are out of sorts it comes from 1 of 2 sources: a) Internal - we have a chemical imbalance happening and need food or medicine to balance it out -or- b) External stimulus has disagreed with us in some way. The first step therefore is to determine which source is bringing you down. For example: Would a glass of water help? Some peanuts? You make the call there. This step is kind of like a stop and regroup.
  2. The second step is to ACT to accept the cause of the problem. It could be your blood sugar or a person in your face. Either way: ACCEPT the cause for what it is.
  3. The third step is a mantra. A mantra isn’t a middle eastern mystery, it’s just a phrase that has good energy for you. Remember the little engine that could? His mantra was: “I think I can, I think I can.” You can use many mantras that already exist or make up your own. I really like the mantra: “Is that so?” Eckhart uses it and recommends it in his book. I recommend it as well.

Other things you could say are (for example): “That’s one way to look at it,” “This too shall pass,” etc. I know you are creative because you’ve read this far. I encourage you to pick a mantra, write it on a card and when you lose your peace in the day, read the card, say the card, BE the card. I think you will as I have that the mental and spiritual rewards are mammoth.

When you exit a room of dissent and feel like you’ve made a contribution of peace, it’s one of the most powerful victories you can imagine.

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Manage Your Comments: Recaptcha In, Akismet Out

RecaptchaThis one is for my readers who blog and all those who take the time to comment. Comments are the vehicle of the future for blog communication, networking, and yes: making money. This is true because as more and more spam ensues, we will only be able to tell what is real from what is not by the manner of comments we read. You know those watches they try and sell you in front of the grocery store. You can probably tell they are fakes, but what about the guy who has the real Guess watches for dirt cheap? You want to recognize him as well. So is the way of comments. The comments we leave should show that we are indeed real readers/customers. I am very thankful for the amount of comments I receive here and I want to show respect by making sure they all make it to publishing and that they not get stuck in a spam quarantine. Akismet, the native WordPress comment spam protection plugin, spams a lot of good comments on my blog. I don’t always have the time to check it for false-negatives. As a result, I have probably missed at least several comments from many great writers, friends, and visitors. I’ve suffered with it long enough. Today I added a second tool to my arsenal. Now I’m using Recaptcha.

A couple synchronous things happened today that got me thinking about comments in the future of the blogosphere: 1) Wordpress came out with its latest update, 2.6 and 2) Entrecard sent me an email explaining they have teamed up with Sez Who to give their readers more credits when they have a Sez Who enabled blog. Lucky for me, I have been using Sez Who already for a while. It’s not too complicated, you just activate a Wordpress plugin (if you are like me and using Wordpress). It gives the author of a post a small icon that when rolled over shows her/his comment history on that blog. There are also rating features. It’s neat. Try it out.

As I was upgrading Wordpress I realized I had 77 comments in Akismet. I got that sinking feeling that maybe some of them were not spam (the term is “False Negatives”). Sure enough I found out that comments from some of my best friends, and most valuable networks, were NOT POSTED! As much as I love WordPress and see it as very good spam protection with Akismet, I had to activate Recaptcha as another layer of protection. Basically, it is better now because the reCaptcha keeps most spam out requiring a human typing code. Then, the Akismet is still necessary for the spam that can beat ReCaptcha. I still have to check my Akismet daily, but it is likely to be much less to pore through. This is a plugin/service I have always loved I just thought it was too cumbersome for you my readers. The commenter has to type the letters from a random image to make the comment go through. Akismet guesses whether a comment is spam which does not guarantee 100% true negatives (ie; only spam will be caught). It can and does often catch good comments. If I miss them, it has the potential of offending my commenters.

So … in a nutshell, I think the commenting revolution is about to begin and for me in my rocket ship, we’ll be flying with recaptcha. Does typing the ReCaptcha to comment bother you? I hope not … I want to make participating in discussions here as easy and trustworthy as possible. Nonetheless, I have tried both and I’m not disciplined enough to check the Akismet every day. Here’s to a great future of communication where the blog owners do everything they can to “keep it real” and so do the commenters. My apologies to those whose legit comments never showed up here. It wasn’t my doing and it won’t happen again.

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Don’t Crack Up, Go On Vacation

Family VacationI just read that 460 million vacation days went unused last year by American workers … no wonder we have so many mental problems in our country! To all those people so worried about missing work I say this: “Be responsible, go on vacation!” This post was inspired by a discussion at Loose Suits.

Of course people with jobs that don’t offer sick days, like freelance writers and the like, might not click on this article. Theirs is a different dilemma that I could discuss at length as well. Having said that, we are all faces with the importance of taking vacations. So if we know how important they are, why aren’t we taking them? In my opinion, folks with vacation days would be “sick” not to use them!

Any problems we have at work and at home will get worse if we don’t use our vacation days.

I look at vacation days as a time to regroup. It’s a time to get romantic with your spouse. Vacations are a time to find inspiration in even those “nothing” moments. How many times have I taken a simple walk in a new place and had tomes of inspiration flood into my mind. It can heal what you thought was impossible stress. I have written my best songs while taking vacation time.

I’ve been highly stressed out at work before. (hasn’t everybody?) It can feel like radioactive heat burning you up … it deserves you a day off. After a “mental health day” the heat goes away. I get fresh new ideas that ironically make me more valuable to my employer. What? More valuable by taking time off? Yes. It’s a time to sharpen my axe.

I think the paranoia many have of getting in trouble at work for taking sick days is unwise. People need to get over it and just take those vacation days like clockwork. It just might be the difference between a promotion or being written up for lack of productivity. The article I read on this was truly staggering. The best argument for this is simple: Look at pictures of your loved ones over the past few years. When you do so you will see just how fast this thing called a lifespan is passing by. Is work that important to Americans? Do people think a real man doesn’t call off work ever? Do that many Americans really think they are heroes for not taking a vacation? Getting any getaway locations in mind yet? I am. Here’s a place to buy your travel supplies. Enjoy.

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